Apostle (2018)

The discussion online concerning homage and rip-off poisons forums and Facebook comment threads alike. Was The Hunger Games really a ripoff of Battle Royale? An homage? Does it even matter? Various dystopian novels predicted that government-implemented hive-minds or emotional repression would be the downfall of society. I disagree. Read any Facebook comment thread under anything to do with film or art, and you’ll realize that dystopia is knocking on your front door .Too many people have a voice, and many of them are about as appetizing as the collective pool of fluid at the bottom of a garbage bag. Director Gareth Evans attempts to tackle a plethora of dark ideas, morality and repression in the Netflix original Apostle, and despite this, I think it will be overshadowed by many who are too busy comparing it to other properties (Wicker Man, Silent Hill, The Witch) than to see it for its own merit. Evans has already proved he had a knack for action set-pieces in his previous series of bone-crunching films ---The Raid series---and Apostle has the same craftsmanship, but it's harnessed in different, more experimental ways.

I won't divulge too much about the plot. I think the film is far more fun going in blindly---like most Netlix properties (TANGENT: Netflix often doesn't advertise many of its original properties, and they drop it often out of nowhere, and this inadvertently creates an excitement for movies similar to when I was still surprised by trailers before the age of the internet spoiled literally every detail of a film before you could see it. Remember when you used to see trailers or films and never even know they were going to be made. Netflix has blown new life into that feeling in the internet era, and that is quite a feat in its own right). But the basics are the following: Thomas Richardson (Dan Stevens) attempts to find a lost woman who has been kidnapped by a radical religious cult in 1905, and upon infiltrating the community he uncovers some bizarre happenings that defy explanation and real-world logic. The voyage scene to the island, in which this cult resides, opens like a Jack-in-the-Box of weirdness with a passive sacrifice of animals galore. But how long can this weirdness sustain itself, and does this cult have anything to say of value that makes this backward-thinking community? What is the appeal of such a place? When Thomas arrives to try and find out, many weird practices and suspicions swell like a boiling pot.

Many people I’ve talked to have cited that the first act of Apostle is a slog, which I couldn't disagree more with. To me, it is the most compelling portion, the cutting and direction in the film has an ample energy similar to The Raid films, and a pace that I found more thrilling than most films that take place in this historical period. I never really associated a film from 1905 to move like an action film---but this does. It has enough fresh and interesting surprises that it kept my interest to the end. I think the film would have worked better without such a clean and slick polish to it all, however. Adapting a more grainy, 60’s to 70’s sensibility would have bolstered the last act into something more exploitative and reminiscent of a grindhouse b-movie and better fit the tone. I was completely engaged more by the first two acts than the last act where a profound switch in tone takes place and becomes something entirely different. The last act is the weakest part for me---if I had one quibble---but it has enough interesting ideas and imagery, brutality, that it pulled me by my shirt collar .

An interesting experiment of a film that is entirely worth watching, destined for cult status, and being free to stream on Netflix isn't too bad either. (7.9/10)

The Cheap Seats: Funimation's Ghostbusters (1986)

I watch it so you don't have to.

I have been introduced to a lot of decent obscure television thanks to Netflix, so I was very excited to see that under “NEW TV ARRIVALS” was a Ghostbusters cartoon show. Being a huge fan of the Ghostbusters films from the 80’s, I jumped at the opportunity to watch an animated series that I was unfamiliar with—I was only familiar with the 90’s cartoon. However, from the moment the opening credits of Ghostbusters: the Animated Series began, I noticed that something was not quite right. The changes are so subtle; a casual fan of the 1984 Bill Murray classic may not be able to notice the difference—although, a talking ape wearing a fedora might be your first clue. After seeing this character, I rigorously combed through both Ghostbusters films to make sure there was never a Magilla Gorilla-esque sidekick whom I might have just happened to forget. Long story short…there wasn’t. Even weirder, the team of Ghosbusters in this version have a living skeleton phone, an atomic high-five, and an enchanted jalopy. I was pretty sure that these elements of Ghosbusters: the Animated Series were not in the 80’sGhostbusters films, and upon a fifth and sixth viewing to clarify, I was 90% certain. These subtle changes enticed me to continue watching, and I decided to continue past the opening credits and watch the first episode of this animated series. I will summarize what I saw to spare anyone from the moral anguish caused by viewing this terrible program. Ahem.

Deep in the recesses of hell/another dimension/space, we are introduced to the villain of the show, Primeval, a robot (who is also a ghost) that wears a flamboyant, red, Dracula-inspired ensemble—by flamboyant I mean it literally has flames on it…and is very gay. Equipped with a church organ that can travel through time (I’m not making this up), his apparent motive is to take over Earth—but only in the 1980’s—with the help of fellow ghost robots, ghosts, and other creatures of the night. It is pretty safe to say that this villain might be the first true indicator that this show has nothing to do with the 1980’s Ghostbusters films, but who knows, still time for some familiar faces like Dr. Peter Venkman ,Egon, or Slimer to pop up. Primeval proclaims that nobody would be dumb enough to try and stop ghosts, thus his plans for world-domination are fail-safe. He was wrong. Why a time/dimension/space traveling robot-ghost would want to conquer Earth is beyond my understanding, let alone Earth in the 80’s—perhaps he has a cocaine addiction. There has to be cooler planets, or at least a cooler era out there to conquer. I’m assuming all the other planets don’t have competitive eating competitions, which make Earth such a supreme candidate.

The Ghostbusters team is comprised of a flamboyant version of a prohibition-era gangster (seems to be a re-occurring theme here) and a pool hall junkie wearing a neutral sports jersey—I suppose he’s rooting for sports in general, all the while hanging out in an abandoned mine. These two men are trying to instill the discipline and know-how of the Ghostbusters upon their two idiot sons, Jake and Eddie, one of which looks extremely similar to the Roger from 101 Dalmations; maybe he lost his mind after caring for all those unruly puppies. Before anyone has time to explain anything that’s going on, the two bumbling sons experience their first foe…a robot ghost on a rocket-powered handcar? Apparently, in this universe, ghost robots are a big threat because they are not transparent, floating, or particularly spooky, they just cluck like chickens and ineffectively attack people whilst on handcars. How does one defeat a robot ghost? By dematerializing them with a “Dematerializer” of course—a weapon that has the power of destroying matter and, in the wrong hands, the Earth. Now, if this small, independently-run ghostbusting organization has access to this kind of weaponry, there has to be some sort of government task force trying to put these men in prison forever, especially if these “ghostbusters” allow these unspeakably dangerous weapons to be operated by inexperienced family members who are as intelligent birthday clowns. These people are simply not responsible enough to carry and handle weapons of such magnitude. That aside, the bumbling sons shoot it everywhere, missing the robot-ghost, destroying most of the mine. Then they pull out another, less-effective gun, which appears to just shoot out used gum. Needless to say, both guns prove ineffective. Luckily, the pool hall junkie Dad realizes that simply tossing some metal on the mine-tracks will stop the robot-ghost’s handcar and render him completely helpless—truly an enemy worth firing a gun at with the potential to destroy the entire universe. The ghost is quickly disposed of with the dematerializer and another Ghostbuster victory is had. Or is it?

Primeval returns to butt heads with the Ghostbusters, but he is ineffective due to his stuttered speech and the fact that he hisses at his enemies like a cat. However, the Ghosbusters still must flee after they discover Primeval is impervious to their dematerializer, leading to a chase in which Primeval—accompanied by some awkward smooth jazz—shoots out some energy beams from his hands that apparently just make objects warmer. Fortunately for the Ghostbusters, they find a hatch-door in the mine and lead Primeval into it, then shut it behind him trapping him inside. Since robot ghosts cannot go through walls, Primeval is defeated and annoyed. To make things worse, a weird floating fart-propelled slug rat emerges from behind a wall eager to befriend Primeval and he facepalms accordingly. The Ghostbusters decide to wash their hands of Primeval, reasoning that nobody will go into this mine for another 100 years, thus he is no longer a problem. And it actually works out that way. He is trapped in the room for over 100 years with the flying slug-rat thing as his only companion. They have a very abusive relationship. It probably took minutes for them to start fooling around with each other.

Fortunately for Primeval, there is a flying bat pig… that looks suspiciously familiar (a blatant rip-off of Piglet from Winnie-the-Pooh) outside the hatch door, and he overhears Primeval and the slug rat bickering. Bat pig decides to open the hatch for them, thinking they are fellow bat pigs. Oh bother, this is not the case. Primeval escapes, meanly dismissing the bat pig. He dusts the cobwebs off his church organ with the slug rat and plays his heart out all the way back to another dimension to recuperate and devise a plan to settle the score with the Ghostbusters. Little does he know, the bat pig has hitched a ride on his organ in an attempt to stop his future—or should I say past?—wrong-doings. I’m not really sure about which time period he travels to, but who the hell cares?

Meanwhile, Eddie and Jake Sr. are continuing to train their two sons, Eddie and Jake Jr., introducing them to all the components of their ghostbusting headquarters. Their entire headquarters is comprised of skeleton-based furniture and appliances, and even creepier, they also happen to be alive. For some reason however, the skeleton furniture is really reluctant to help out the Ghostbusters (I suspect many years of abuse), always being tricksters, throwing pies in faces, and generally not doing their jobs. This subversive and unproductive behavior by the furniture and appliances could all be solved by buying regular, inanimate appliances and furniture, but I guess it never occurs to them to stop frequenting the Ikea of the Undead. I imagine their wise-cracking “Skelephone” is responsible for losing many potential customers since it seems more interested in hanging up on callers than doing its job; this applies to the Skelevision and the Skelecabinet as well. The two sons are then introduced to an important part of the ghostbusting team, a talking, hat-wearing, gun-inventing ape named Tracy. With the collective aid of these many elements, the Ghostbusters are almost a mild threat against evil.

In his lair which he has aptly named “Hauntquarters,” Primeval gathers a ragtag team of the most feared ghost/monsters the universe has to offer. Yet, since most of the classic monsters of yesteryear are copyrighted, he has to settle for extremely shitty B-List rip-offs instead, such as: Werewolf of the future, a werewolf that is also from the future; Mysteria-Mistress of mists (she can control mist?); Sir Trance-a-lot, a bad knight to one and all (I wasn’t quite sure what his power was besides shooting fog out of his lance); Aparitia, a sorceress of unmentioned power (not unmentionable, just unmentioned; she never explains what she can actually do); The Hunter, a hunter of haunted prey and a possessor of a speech impediment; and the Musical Maestro of Fright, a conductor who can conjure up spirits and boredom. Last but not least, my personal favorite, Long John Scarecrow, who looks nothing like a pirate or a scarecrow, but apparently he patrols the seven galaxies sort of like a pirate, but nothing like a scarecrow. With the help of this cavalcade of mediocrity, Primeval may or may not prove to be a mild threat as well.

Primeval sends Mysteria and Maestro to kidnap the fathers of Jake and Eddie using a magic bone flute that levitates them out of bed (it sounds dirtier than it is), unbeknownst to their two sons. The next morning, a local news reporter, Jessica (a rip-off of April O’ Neil) is interviewing Eddie about their organization, claiming to not believe in ghosts, despite a ghost very unsubtly clapping trashcan lids behind her on several occasions to the point where it doesn’t make any sense for her to not believe in them. This entire scene has background music that sounds like those Contra 3 stages with the overhead view. It’s really bizarre and unfitting, and I’m unsettled by the fact that I remember this music.

Afterward, Eddie sees Jake watching the Skelevision, which can apparently foresee the future, a dark future where Primeval has enslaved the universe with the help of Mysteria’s…ahem…evil mists. Tracy, the ape that makes pancakes and invents, goes to alert their two fathers and discovers they have been kidnapped. Meanwhile, the Skeledrawer (who now can talk) pops out some yellow book with a ghost logo on it. Even more amazing, Eddie reads off a non-existent title THE GHOSBUSTERS INSTRUCTION MANUAL: HOW TO BUST A GHOST. I suppose this would not be as weird if there was even one semblance of a word or scribble on the front cover to justify reading such a long title off of it, but alas, only a picture of a ghost. Anyway, Jake and Eddie begin to familiarize themselves with everything ghostbusting-related through this magic manual that the Skeledrawer appears to have created just then.

Eddie—being the clumsy idiot that he is—stumbles over a pot and pulls on a knight’s armor to reveal the “secret transformation room”, a room with a skeleton elevator that travels to a timeless space hell. This hellish place devoid of time and space is occupied by giant, terrifying, and grotesque demon heads screaming in anguish, which for some reason is less scary to them than a tiny, unthreatening robot ghost on a handcar. A giant robot arm with no apparent source grabs them from the elevator, and a giant skeleton foot (also with no source) throws them onto a conveyor belt made of human bones. Jake happily and inappropriately whistles throughout this entire process like it is as normal as picking up the morning paper. This entire macabre process is strictly to clothe them in wacky outfits and drop them into their time-traveling jalopy…that’s it. Why must they experience such a traumatizing ordeal in order to have a jacket put on them and enter their car? On top of this nonsense, their jalopy is alive, talks, flies around, and sort of sounds like Don Knotts with a stutter. I think almost every character may have a stutter on this show, except Long John Scarecrow because he is supreme chancellor of badassery. With the aid of wormholes, Jake, Eddie, and Tracy use the jalopy to travel to the future to stop Primeval and his cronies.

This was all in the pilot. It was almost like they tried to cram everything that kids like into one cartoon, with some small terrifying parts spliced between. After viewing the entire episode, I was almost positive that this show has nothing to do with the 1984 Ghostbusters film, but the changes are so subtle…who can ever really be sure?